imjust-kyian:

scroturn:

i get really offended when someone doesnt sit next to me but im also relieved they didnt sit next to me

this is the most accurate thing i’ve ever read

(via spoken-not-written)

snowwanderer:

chrissykilljoybitchtits:

inc-omparable:

im-fandoomed:

hitlervevo:

why the fuck cant we text the police

lets say there is a murderer in ur house and you’re hiding behind your sofa and you do have your phone with you but you can’t call the police because the murderer might hear you

Here in Canada you can

Here in England we just… scream and run

Here in Scotland we paint our faces and run towards the murderer

Here in Australia we offer them beer

(via h-u-m-o-u-r)

Imagine Harry Potter was set in Australia.

thedeepestcircleofhell:

“Three blokes sitting outside the pub lift their heads as they hear a car engine rumbling, to their disbelief, the iconic 2008 Holden ute flies overhead, nothing but the wooping of the two young boys driving it and AC/DC blasting out of the sound system can be heard.”

“You’re a cunt Harry” says Hagrid, Harry looking like a stunned mullet.
“Oi nah fuck off mate” replies Harry, disbelief written all over him. 

(Source: illshowyoumadness, via h-u-m-o-u-r)

zeram:

maozedung:

homework? decent grades? the bible said adam and eve not adam and achieve 

i almost spit everywhere

(via an-agoraphobic-lobster)

carry-on-my-wayward-butt:

guceubcuesu:

hey

Watchu got there

a skull that connects to my spine hbu

(via an-agoraphobic-lobster)

sorryforpartybarackin:

the best kind of people are the really cute ones that you wanna cuddle and drink hot chocolate and go for walks in the park and watch dumb movies and build blanket forts with but also slam up against a wall and fuck their brains out

(via thatbritishbrunette)

solluxx:

paranoidpot8to:

THERE IS A FUCKING COW TRYING TO GET INSIDE MY HOUSE

I AM HOME ALONE

WHAT DO I DO THERE IS A COW PRESSING ITS FACE AGAINST THE WINDOW

tell it to mooove

(via spoken-not-written)

(via h-u-m-o-u-r)